In a former life I was a Google Answers Researcher.  You might remember the service where people who were looking for information offered a (generally paltry) sum of money for an expert online researcher to find their answer.  Over the course of my 4 years there I learned to streamline my searches and find even the most obscure bits of information on the web.

I also had another gig with Google where they supplied me with search terms that users had typed in and I was to figure out what the people were looking for and then determine how well the Google results delivered the answers.

So when I started this blog and looked at my site stats, I was interested to see what kinds of search terms were leading people here. I wondered what they were looking for and whether or not they found it.

Sometimes the link is obvious: [electric fence elephant] [radium girls] – both topics I’ve blogged on. Other times, not so: [remove footwear], [no shoes] and similar phrases occurring frequently enough (nearly every day) that I finally ran it myself to see what was leading people here. Oh.  I had forgotten I used that image.

But sometimes the queries are looking for an answer that my blog doesn’t supply.  So today, just for fun, I thought I would post a bunch of answers to queries that have landed people here only to find that this wasn’t the place to find those answers.  Here we go —

how to escape from quicksand

Interestingly, “quicksand” is by far, the most common search term that leads people here. Everybody wants to know about quicksand! It’s funny because my quicksand post was more of a joke than anything else – I was pointing out how escaping from quicksand is NOT something most people need to know about. So, for all of you who still need to know how to escape it, here’s your links:

National Geographic: Quicksand Science: Why It Traps, How to Escape

How Stuff Works: Quicksand

sex in the washroom

This is another really common search term. Why is that one leading people here? Again, because of a humorous post.  Sorry, no links for you folks, but here’s a hint: It works the same way as sex anywhere else, just with a lot more porcelain.

is plos genetics good

Yes.  Pop on over and read it for yourself and if you really like it, think about supporting PLoS and getting some cool swag that’s guaranteed to increase your geek cred.

photograph most beautiful owl

That’s a bit subjective, but if anyone has a beautiful owl photograph, it’s going to be Christopher Dodds.

 morphing owl with butterfly

Interesting. Maybe you want this drawing by William Crutchfield.  Crutchfield seems to morph owls with a lot of things, some of which are just creepy.

OR, if you’d rather something more natural, try this Owl Butterfly.  That the common name applied to the many butterflies of the genus Caligo (from the Latin, meaning darkness, because they fly at night.


ontario butterfly similar to monarch

Well that would have to be the Viceroy, which look very much like Monarchs but are smaller.

Read more here.



is the asteroid go to hit earth?

Yes. Eventually.

examples of disasters to komodo dragon

Humans. Climate Change. Tsunami. Earthquake. Volcano. Humans.

 fungus tornado trolls

Wow. This one almost got me. But I think I solved it.

Joplin Tornado Fungus Strikes Family of Nationally Known Artist

“Linda Lindquist-Baldwin is known for her belsnickles. For more than 25 years her figurines have adorned Christmas decorations and Halloween displays…..Her brother is recovering from the Joplin tornado .. As part of Mark Lindquist’s treatment are anti-fungal drugs while he recovers from his injuries and from pneumonia.”

And what, you ask, is a belsnickle? They are hand-painted Father Christmas figures, usually hooded and stern-looking, that were originally made in Germany from the 1860s through the beginning of World War I.   In other words, trolls.


endless beautiful women

You want endless beautiful women? Go outside.

They aren’t in your computer, they are in the world. They work in banks, ski on the slopes, take courses, run marathons, help the elderly, and teach swimming lessons. They also check out books from the library, do scientific research, program computers, dance ballet, and drive trucks.  They live on every continent, are different races, heights, and builds and come in every age and nationality. They speak different languages, have different personalities and pursue different interests.  There are approximately 2.5 billion of them on the planet and I guarantee, even without the professional makeup and Photoshop magic, every one of them is beautiful to someone.

Now go on and find out for yourself.